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Contrary to some popular beliefs, victims of abuse neither are not weak people nor are to blame for the behavior of abusers.
They are not responsible for the personality disorders of the abuser, either. Abusers are people with mental health issues who exhibit certain inadequate behaviors, regardless whether the victim is present or not (absence of the victim).
We could mention two types of victim: innocent or unwilling victims, like children, elderly people, disabled people, or healthy adults who simply don't know there are healthier ways to develop relationships with others.
Many of the relationship problems between victims and abusers come from behavioral patterns and ways to establish relationships and interact with others that are unhealthy or inadequate, and were learn throughout their lives.
In other words, no one develops a victim-abuser relationship willingly, or because they like to "suffer". Victims of emotional abuse, as well as abusers, simply don't know other ways to establish healthier and more adequate relationships.
Once victims of abuse become aware of the type of relationship they are involved in, or the type of relationships they tend to develop with other people, they need to educate themselves better about how relationships work and gather more information about the diverse types of personality disorders abusers may have.
It is for this reason that we can define a second type of victim: the "conscious or aware" victim.
This does not mean, either, that the victim "enjoys" his or her victim's role. It simply means that once a victim starts getting more insight on the type of relationship they are involved in, or the type of relationships they tend to develop, it's important that they also start becoming aware of the fact that they can choose - a self-decision - how to develop healthier relationships or choose to develop relationships with other kinds of people.
Dr. Joseph Carver is a psychologist from Ohio, USA, and has written many articles which are a truly valuable source of information on this subject. Information is like a tool that allows us make better decisions and overcome abusive relationships.
It is not about looking for "culprits", it is not about "whose blame is it or who is guilty", and it’s just about learning there are better and healthier ways to relate to others. It's about getting a better insight about the different types personality disorders and how abusers function and what we can do so as not to keep developing abusive relationships.
The concept of the conscious victim derives from some victims of emotional and physical abuse who, although they are aware of the kind of relationship they are involved in, they keep hoping and waiting for the abuser to change. The (the victims) believe that if they change then, perhaps, the abuser will change too. Sometimes, some transient changes can be observed, but the essence of the personality of an abuser does not change. And the victim has no control over this. This is why it is equally important to bear in mind what things are actually under our control, and what's not.
Victims of abuse may control their emotions, but they cannot control the emotions of the abuser. Victims can make their own decision to change, but they cannot force an abuser to make the decision to change. Some victims of emotional abuse, for different reasons, decide to stay in an abusive relationship, even knowing the psychological problems of the abuser and type of abusive relationships they are involved in.
Some abusers are able to change. With a sound therapy that addresses their mental health issues and a through work on their own personality disorders, some abusers change and they stop developing abusive relationships. But this demands a significant amount of commitment by the abuser, just like the victims commit her or himself to address and solve their issues around abusive relationships and abusive people.
Dr. Carver's articles are available mostly in English and some of them are available in Spanish too. You may download these articles from our network at:
Translation - Spanish Contrariamente a algunas creencias populares, las víctimas de abuso no son débiles ni tienen la "culpa" de las conductas de los abusadores.
Tampoco son responsables de los trastornos de la personalidad del abusador. Los abusadores son personas con problemas de salud mental que exhiben ciertas conductas inadecuadas, independientemente de la presencia (o ausencia) de una víctima.
Podríamos decir que hay dos tipos de víctimas: las víctimas inocentes o involuntarias, como los niños, los ancianos, las personas incapacitadas, o aquellas personas que son adultos saludables, pero que desconocen formas más saludables y adecuadas de relacionarse con los demás.
Muchos de los problemas de relación entre las víctimas y los abusadores provienen de patrones de conducta y formas de relacionarse e interactuar que no son saludables o adecuados, y que fueron aprendidos a lo largo de sus vidas.
En otras palabras, nadie establece una relación de víctima-abusador conscientemente, o porque le guste "sufrir". Simplemente, las víctimas de abuso emocional, al igual que los abusadores, no conocen otras maneras saludables de establecer relaciones.
Una vez que las víctimas de abuso toman conciencia del tipo de relación en la que están involucradas, o de los tipos de relaciones que tienden a establecer con otras personas, necesitan informarse mejor sobre las relaciones interpersonales y los tipos de personalidades y sus trastornos. Es por esta razón, que podemos definir un segundo tipo de víctima: la víctima "consciente o voluntaria".
Esto tampoco quiere decir que la víctima "disfruta" su rol de víctima, sino simplemente que una vez que comenzamos a comprender el tipo de relación en la que nos encontramos, o los tipos de relaciones que tendemos a establecer, es importante que comencemos a tomar conciencia también del hecho de que podemos elegir - por decisión propia - relacionarnos de otro modo o con otro tipo de personas.
Los artículos del Dr. Joseph Carver, psicólogo de Ohio, EE.UU., son una valiosa fuente de información sobre este tema. La información es como una herramienta que nos permite tomar mejores decisiones y superar las relaciones abusivas.
No se trata de buscar "culpables", sino de aprender simplemente que existen mejores maneras de relacionarnos con los demás. Se trata de comprender cabalmente cuáles son los diferentes tipos de trastornos de la personalidad, cómo actúan y piensan las personas con problemas psicológicos y qué podemos hacer para no establecer relaciones abusivas o que no son saludables.
La idea de víctima consciente o voluntaria surgió a partir de algunas víctimas de abuso emocional y físico, que aún siendo conscientes del tipo de relación en la que están involucradas, siguen esperando que el abusador cambie. Piensan que si ellas (las víctimas) cambian, entonces quizás el abusador también cambie. A veces, pueden producirse cambios temporales o transitorios, pero la esencia de la personalidad de un abusador no cambia. Y esto es algo sobre lo que la víctima no tiene control. Es por ello, que es igualmente importante tener en cuenta qué cosas están bajo nuestro control y cuáles no.
Las víctimas de abuso emocional pueden controlar sus emociones, pero no las del abusador. Pueden tomar sus propias decisiones de cambio, pero no pueden obligar al abusador a tomar la decisión de cambiar. Hay víctimas de abuso emocional que, por diversas razones, deciden permanecer en una relación abusiva, aun conociendo los problemas psicológicos del abusador y el tipo de relación abusiva que mantienen con él o ella.
Algunos abusadores pueden cambiar. Con una terapia que trata sus problemas de salud mental y un profundo trabajo sobre su propia persona, algunos abusadores cambian y dejan de establecer relaciones abusivas. Pero esto requiere un importante compromiso de parte del abusador, del mismo modo que la víctima se compromete con resolver sus problemas acerca de las relaciones abusivas que establecen con personas abusadoras.
Los artículos del Dr. Carver están disponibles en inglés y algunos están disponibles también en español. Usted puede descargar los artículos desde la página de nuestra red: http://abusoemocional.ning.com/group/drcarverandcounsellingresources
I'm a Medical Doctor and Translator, and I'm currently translating medical literature for patients and research papers, additionally to my private practice. Also, I've been working as a freelance translator for the past 20 years, and have completed numerous translation projects on a wide variety of subjects for diverse translation agencies, worldwide.
Translation Work Experience: General medical, insurance, and legal documents for Inlingua Boston MA, USA - English into Spanish and Spanish into English (Also, Catalan into English medical reports.) FDA Certificates, Medical transcriptions and Clinical Trial Reports, and a wide variety of documents on hospital information & family healthcare, adoption and family treatment plans, for Language Learning Enterprises, Inc., Washington DC, USA Insurance and Financial Translations for 800-Translate, NY, USA. Early Childhood Complete Course for the University of Cincinnati; Court scripts and legal documents; Hobson’s Guide for Docu-Trans, LLC – Cincinnati, OH, USA. Corporate Policies and Employees' Handbook; Pharmaceutical MSDS for AAA Translators, formerly located at Memphis, TN, USA. (More references available upon request.) I have also authored the books "Abuso Emocional - El enemigo invisible," and "El precio del átomo" in Spanish, and translated a 600-page book on Enterprise Engineering, from English into Spanish
Keywords: health care, pharmaceutical, medical, biochemical, chemical, dentistry, genetics, human services, adoption, foster care. See more.health care, pharmaceutical, medical, biochemical, chemical, dentistry, genetics, human services, adoption, foster care, nutrition. See less.
